Friday, April 9, 2010

"I Am Anti-Commitment"

"Love is a bitch. Pain is a whore. Misery is the motherfucker that won’t leave me alone."

Ever see the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" (the book has the same name)? They were definitely not lying when all those excuses meant the same thing: "I'm not into you".

Unfortunately, I fell for it. I really liked this guy, we started off as friends. The communication was not really there, but the sexual chemistry...WOW is all I can say. We became "exclusive", or so I thought. One day, after "talking" for 6 months, I asked him what was going on between us and why after all this time, we were still at the "talking stage". This fool said he's been burnt before, and he doesn't want to get hurt again. He said that he is anti-commitment, and he wants to stay that way. He might as well have just said, "I CLEARLY don't like you enough to be with you".

The sad part is that that should have been the biggest red flag for me to run in the opposite direction. But I stayed. And the longer I stayed, the more I was hurting myself, and the dumber I felt.

Now I knew where he was coming from when he said he's been burnt before, because I have been there. But that doesn't mean you still shouldn't give relationships a chance. We are not the same, and if you have been hurt more than once, then maybe you should take a look at yourself, and find out the kind of people you attract. #justsaying

To anyone reading this, learn from me: Greg Behrendt was not lying. Go and watch the movie, and look at the excuses. Call me naive, but I am a firm believer in if a guy/girl likes you enough to be with you, he/she will make it happen. All those excuses are just a "round about" way of saying "I'm not into you".

Disclaimer: I am definitely not anti-commitment, as you can see from my last post. So all ideas about me being a mad, black woman should quickly be removed. Please and thank you.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

God is Beaming :D

I have been through a lot these past two years. My last relationship lasted a year and a half, and until it ended, I thought he was going to be my husband.

Then it ended, and for the next year of my life, I went through pain and heartache. I thought my world was over, I thought there was no one else out there for me. AND GOD HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME. But then, I thought about that year and a half, and realized that I forced so much of the relationship. I loved him, but it was so fast, and very unhealthy. It started so wrong, we weren't friends first, it was a lot of sexual chemistry, and very little emotional connection and friendship. The pain and heartache were very necessary to move on, otherwise I would be hanging on to something that is no longer there.

For the past year, I have been on several unfulfilling dates. There was always something missing with them. From passion to conversation, it just was not working. I met someone who was a "friend", but with him, he made it so hard to meet other people. I liked him and wanted a relationship, but he was anti-commitment. Where people get that crock of RUBBISH from is beyond me (will save it for another post). I just gave up, and decided to focus more on me, loving me, loving my own company. And it was so much fun.

Then he came along.

When I met him the first time, I thought to myself, "This is not someone I want to be with." But we became friends really quickly. Talking to him is easy, he understands. Yes, we have our disagreements, but we agree to disagree. We talk about everything, from family to where we want to be in 10 years. He's passionate about life, he has dreams, and he's definitely working on making them come true. Like other guys I have dated (which I consider to be a disadvantage), he's well-known. On a normal day, I would not even think twice to saying "hell no".

But clearly this is no normal day. My LIFE is not normal. And I am happy with that.

I am happy. He is part of my happiness. I love being around him, I love talking to him, I love kissing him, I love holding his hands, his words of wisdom just make my day. His drive is inspiring.

One day, I was asking myself how I got so lucky, when my BFF (another wise young woman) said, "it's not that you are lucky. It's that God is smiling on you."

I protested, "So He wasn't smiling on me before?!" And she smiled and said, "He was smiling on you before, but now, He is beaming."

Kodak moment...

That's my mum and me. My dad had a really cool camera that captured so many random moments, and this was one of them. I look exactly like my mum here (except better...hehe). And I have ONE question, and I will let it go FOREVER: Why on Earth am I not yellow like that anymore???? I asked my mum what lotion she used, and she said it was Johnson & Johnson Baby Lotion. I am about to go to the nearest CVS store and buy every bottle.

I need to find all the pictures my dad took, because they are priceless.

I can't stop staring at the picture because it just makes me smile.