I have been through a lot these past two years. My last relationship lasted a year and a half, and until it ended, I thought he was going to be my husband.
Then it ended, and for the next year of my life, I went through pain and heartache. I thought my world was over, I thought there was no one else out there for me. AND GOD HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME. But then, I thought about that year and a half, and realized that I forced so much of the relationship. I loved him, but it was so fast, and very unhealthy. It started so wrong, we weren't friends first, it was a lot of sexual chemistry, and very little emotional connection and friendship. The pain and heartache were very necessary to move on, otherwise I would be hanging on to something that is no longer there.
For the past year, I have been on several unfulfilling dates. There was always something missing with them. From passion to conversation, it just was not working. I met someone who was a "friend", but with him, he made it so hard to meet other people. I liked him and wanted a relationship, but he was anti-commitment. Where people get that crock of RUBBISH from is beyond me (will save it for another post). I just gave up, and decided to focus more on me, loving me, loving my own company. And it was so much fun.
Then he came along.
When I met him the first time, I thought to myself, "This is not someone I want to be with." But we became friends really quickly. Talking to him is easy, he understands. Yes, we have our disagreements, but we agree to disagree. We talk about everything, from family to where we want to be in 10 years. He's passionate about life, he has dreams, and he's definitely working on making them come true. Like other guys I have dated (which I consider to be a disadvantage), he's well-known. On a normal day, I would not even think twice to saying "hell no".
But clearly this is no normal day. My LIFE is not normal. And I am happy with that.
I am happy. He is part of my happiness. I love being around him, I love talking to him, I love kissing him, I love holding his hands, his words of wisdom just make my day. His drive is inspiring.
One day, I was asking myself how I got so lucky, when my BFF (another wise young woman) said, "it's not that you are lucky. It's that God is smiling on you."
I protested, "So He wasn't smiling on me before?!" And she smiled and said, "He was smiling on you before, but now, He is beaming."