Thursday, March 31, 2011

A year later....

It's March 31st.

This day last year, I woke up with the worst cramps ever. Nothing helped. Had to go to the hospital, and they found something in my ovaries. Apparently, it had been getting bigger over time, and when it got to the size of a baseball, my nerves had wrapped themselves so tightly around it, that the pain became unbearable. I would scream if anyone or anything touched it. I couldn't stop throwing up. Nurses thought I was pregnant. Unless it was the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, it was not possible. The more they asked if I was pregnant, the more I started to believe I was. I was so relieved when they did the ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. (I am not trying to be on that Discovery Health show "I didn't Know I was Pregnant").

By this time, they had put me in the only room they could find: a room with cushioned walls. I kept looking at the nurse like, "I am in PAIN. I am not crazy." But she kept saying it was the only room that was available. My friends, Bunmi, Idia, and Gbenga, dropped everything they were doing to be with me. There was no comfortable way to lie down, because no matter which way my body was positioned, the pain kept getting worse and worse. The doctor came in and said the lump is a cyst that refuses to dissolve, and he would have to operate to remove it.

Operate. The one word I thought I would never have to hear. Til today that word makes me nauseous and sad. It was early afternoon, and the only time they could operate was at night.

So I would have to deal with this pain for another EIGHT hours?! Thank God for the people I had with me, because I know that I couldn't do it alone. No one should EVER have to be alone in ANYTHING.

I couldn't even cry anymore because the pain was just too much. My aunt in Indiana would later fly to MD to stay with me, and my other aunt in VA came as well. Nurse put me on morphine, but even that did not help.

(Turns out that they did not have a stand to hang the morphine, so the nurse draped it over the door, and that stopped the flow of morphine from reaching my arm. I was like this for eight painful, unforgettable hours).

Later, they took me upstairs to prep me for operation. The anesthesiologist told me how the anesthesia would work, and by this time, I just wanted to sleep, and wake up and everything would be okay. My aunt prayed for me, and some kind of peace came over me.

By this time, the anesthesia kicked in. Some amazing words were said that I would never forget, and three hours later I woke up in my room with my aunt from VA and my girl Nosizwe around me. I fell back asleep, and I woke up again with Gbenga and my aunt from Indiana there.

And the pain was gone.

It took me two months to be able to stand straight, as the scar had to heal (I still have it; it's like a C-Section scar with two dark marks where they put two cameras in. I also have a scar in my belly button. Needless to say, I felt like I just had a baby). Turns out that the cyst was actually a benign tumor that had ruptured, and the doctor had to cut some nerves to remove it. A year later, and I am just starting to get feeling there.

That day, and the months to follow showed me that I have to be grateful for what I have and what I don't have. I am grateful for my family, the people who dropped everything they were doing to be with me. Some flew last minute to stay with me for a few days (my mother was with me for a few weeks) to make sure I was well. Some people took off work to spend time with me. The love I felt during that time was and still is....indescribable. Unforgettable. Amazing.

I thank God that He kept me. It was His grace. If I had not felt the pain, the liquid could have killed me.

I may have slipped several times, but my Father was still there to pick me up and give me many more chances. I owe Him everything. My life is His.

Everyone needs that "Ah Ha!" moment to realize that you were born for a reason; I guess I can say - after 26 years - this was mine. I am still on that path of self-discovery, but I know that I am closer than I think to reaching that place that God wants me to be.

This week has been really depressing for me. I can safely say I have had my worst week yet in 2011. Nevertheless, I have had eye-opening moments, and I know now I can go nowhere but up. The Lord said, "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which He has promised to those who love Him." (James 1:12).

It is well. :)

Oh, wanted to add: the hospital bills came to about $16000, and I did not have to pay a SINGLE CENT. It is all God and no one else.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me??

It's my birthday!!!!

Well, in 4 days, I will be turning the big 2-6. Yay! I am so over being 25, trust me, that age is so overrated. It should be a relaxing weekend, surrounded by my very cool (and very razz) friends. There will be lots of eating, drinking, and laughter, and love...and that's all I need.

Now that I am going to be 26, some things have crossed my mind. Well, namely, marriage. At this point, I can say a handful of my friends are engaged or married. I look at them like they crazy. Cuz they are. Marriage is no joke. I mean, this is one person that you are going to be with.....


Do people understand that? Not a few years, not a decade, but FOREVER. TIL DEATH DO Y'ALL PART. I am not saying I need a few years so I can date and have fun, no. It's just that you want to find that right person for you. Not perfect - cuz we KNOW that no man on this Earth is perfect. Like Bereola said on his website: "Your search for the perfect man is in vain. He died on the cross 2000+ years ago. Find God before you find a man". Homie was speakin' the TRUF!

I was reading this funny, yet eye-opening article by Tracy McMillan. I mean, I felt like homegirl was sitting opposite me and reading my mind. Yes I have been "the liar", I have been "selfish", hell, I even thought I was not good enough (what in the world made me think that? Pray for me y'all). The advice she gives in her article is ummmm...let me put it this way, I'm a stubborn girl. Shooo, I want a tall-ass, fine-ass, rich-ass chocolate lookin' brotha, and I may not get fine-ass or even rich-ass...but what is wrong with a 5'10 girl wanting to be with a man who is 6'1?? WHY would I want to be with a short person? Physically, it don't look good, and let's not get into what it would be like in bed...oooo chile.

But bottom line is that once you admit that you do want to get married, and stop being too shallow (I mean, you have to have standards, but if you are that picky to the point of how his nose should be shaped/how wide her hips should be, ma'am/sir...), things may get easier. So rethink your priorities. Just know that personality is what matters. Looks fade, but personality remains the same...well, if your personality changes, then methinks you should check yourself into some kind of psych ward.........................................joking....................................well, not really.

Here's a way you can see what you should look for in the opposite sex: write down all the physical attributes on one column and personality traits on another column. Then go down each column and rate each trait on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being "it doesn't really matter" and 5 being "I will die if this person doesn't have this". That should make you rethink what is important and what isn't.

So, on that note, ladies and gents, I hope you have a fabulous weekend...I know I will.

Happy Birthday to meee!!!!

this love right herrre....

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

God Did It.

Yes, that is my quote of the year.

Happy New Year folks!! Hope your December/January was as amazing as mine. I have to say that I have missed blogging. So much has been happening. And it's February.


I have been going through quite a bit emotionally. Just trying to figure things out. I'm almost done with school (halfway through this class, and two left...I canNOT wait..Sept 11, 2011, and I will never go to another class. EVER.), and the next step is:

Where am I going to work? Am I staying in the States, or will I be going somewhere else?

At this moment, I don't care where I go. Just as long as you are giving me money worth a Bachelor's in Mathematical Statistics and an MBA, and it's not in some podunk area, then we good. I need high rise buildings and black people.

My cousin had her traditional engagement over Christmas, and it was so much fun, but from that LONG night, I have concluded that:

1) 1000 people will not be coming to my engagement/wedding. I don't know 1000 people, so I don't see why I should be having 800 strangers at one of the most important events of my life. So all you random wedding crashers, best believe, you will not make it past the entrance. So don't waste your clothes and/or time.

2) my mother better not try anything silly by inviting people I don't know or remember, i.e. all the women who have known me since I was ankle high. Look woman, I don't KNOW you, so stop.

3) I don't like extravagance. I can't do it. All the extraness, not necessary. But I may have to holler at Uche Majekodunmi for decorations. Loved what she did at my cousin's engagement.

4) my husband better know how to dance because....those nights, we will not sit down ONCE.

5) the DJ better kill it...I don't need to hear "Oleku" more than once. There are many other songs in this WORLD that I will be dancing to. DJ Preview and DJ Zimo, save the date...whenever that is.

6) the food better be ON POINT. I eat. A lot. So, all you budding caterers, holla in a couple years.

This year, I believe that God is in control. He has been in control from January 1, 2011, and He will be in control through to December 31, 2011...and beyond. Amen.

I went to a Prayer Retreat over the weekend (shoutout to Jesus' House DC), and one thing I know I will be doing is that I will be doing a lot more praying and more PRAISING. The miracles that will be happening this year. I am excited because I am expectant.

I hope to blog more this year, because in 9 months, I will be FREE from school work, so more random thoughts coming your way.

Remember: God did it. And He will keep doing it until there's nothing else to do. :)

Stay blessed.

P.S. It's my birthday month!! 20 days until the day the world changed 26 years ago. I love birthdays, but that will be another post. :)...apparently, I am an Aquarius now, thanks to the new sign. Ummm, all you astrologers Imma need for you to move thatta way *pointing to the left* ...I am Pisces, and your stupid new sign will not change it. Thanks and bye.