Thursday, March 31, 2011

A year later....

It's March 31st.

This day last year, I woke up with the worst cramps ever. Nothing helped. Had to go to the hospital, and they found something in my ovaries. Apparently, it had been getting bigger over time, and when it got to the size of a baseball, my nerves had wrapped themselves so tightly around it, that the pain became unbearable. I would scream if anyone or anything touched it. I couldn't stop throwing up. Nurses thought I was pregnant. Unless it was the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, it was not possible. The more they asked if I was pregnant, the more I started to believe I was. I was so relieved when they did the ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. (I am not trying to be on that Discovery Health show "I didn't Know I was Pregnant").

By this time, they had put me in the only room they could find: a room with cushioned walls. I kept looking at the nurse like, "I am in PAIN. I am not crazy." But she kept saying it was the only room that was available. My friends, Bunmi, Idia, and Gbenga, dropped everything they were doing to be with me. There was no comfortable way to lie down, because no matter which way my body was positioned, the pain kept getting worse and worse. The doctor came in and said the lump is a cyst that refuses to dissolve, and he would have to operate to remove it.

Operate. The one word I thought I would never have to hear. Til today that word makes me nauseous and sad. It was early afternoon, and the only time they could operate was at night.

So I would have to deal with this pain for another EIGHT hours?! Thank God for the people I had with me, because I know that I couldn't do it alone. No one should EVER have to be alone in ANYTHING.

I couldn't even cry anymore because the pain was just too much. My aunt in Indiana would later fly to MD to stay with me, and my other aunt in VA came as well. Nurse put me on morphine, but even that did not help.

(Turns out that they did not have a stand to hang the morphine, so the nurse draped it over the door, and that stopped the flow of morphine from reaching my arm. I was like this for eight painful, unforgettable hours).

Later, they took me upstairs to prep me for operation. The anesthesiologist told me how the anesthesia would work, and by this time, I just wanted to sleep, and wake up and everything would be okay. My aunt prayed for me, and some kind of peace came over me.

By this time, the anesthesia kicked in. Some amazing words were said that I would never forget, and three hours later I woke up in my room with my aunt from VA and my girl Nosizwe around me. I fell back asleep, and I woke up again with Gbenga and my aunt from Indiana there.

And the pain was gone.

It took me two months to be able to stand straight, as the scar had to heal (I still have it; it's like a C-Section scar with two dark marks where they put two cameras in. I also have a scar in my belly button. Needless to say, I felt like I just had a baby). Turns out that the cyst was actually a benign tumor that had ruptured, and the doctor had to cut some nerves to remove it. A year later, and I am just starting to get feeling there.

That day, and the months to follow showed me that I have to be grateful for what I have and what I don't have. I am grateful for my family, the people who dropped everything they were doing to be with me. Some flew last minute to stay with me for a few days (my mother was with me for a few weeks) to make sure I was well. Some people took off work to spend time with me. The love I felt during that time was and still is....indescribable. Unforgettable. Amazing.

I thank God that He kept me. It was His grace. If I had not felt the pain, the liquid could have killed me.

I may have slipped several times, but my Father was still there to pick me up and give me many more chances. I owe Him everything. My life is His.

Everyone needs that "Ah Ha!" moment to realize that you were born for a reason; I guess I can say - after 26 years - this was mine. I am still on that path of self-discovery, but I know that I am closer than I think to reaching that place that God wants me to be.

This week has been really depressing for me. I can safely say I have had my worst week yet in 2011. Nevertheless, I have had eye-opening moments, and I know now I can go nowhere but up. The Lord said, "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which He has promised to those who love Him." (James 1:12).

It is well. :)

Oh, wanted to add: the hospital bills came to about $16000, and I did not have to pay a SINGLE CENT. It is all God and no one else.