Fear not...

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The picture to the left shows exactly how I have been feeling the past few weeks. So much is going on, you wonder how things will work out. When will I get a job? How will I live? What am I going to eat? If you're in a relationship, you wonder what the next step is.

We are human beings, it is natural to worry. We try to use our power to try and fix things, and when they do not go as planned, we worry. Now that I am in this place of self-discovery - realizing and living out my purpose - I've been doing a lot of thinking. So much thinking, that I start to freak out. A few days ago, I was driving, and I started to thinking about my goals, and what God's purpose is for me. Then I started crying! The tears just would not stop...my nose was blocked, and it was getting difficult to see the road. I cannot remember the last time I cried that much. It became difficult to pray. I was in a place of anger, confusion, doubt, and most importantly, fear. I have been afraid before, but this time was very different. My stomach started to hurt, and I felt sick.


I had a conversation with my aunt, and as a Christian and doctor, she shed some light on things you could do:

• Read your Bible! - Matthew 6:27 says, "Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?" It made me realize that all the time you spend worrying about things, you've lost valuable time. You waste time by being upset over stuff you cannot do anything about, things only God can change. Worrying gets you nowhere. 

It gives the devil a chance to mess with your mind and to make you doubt God. When that happens, the result is never good. You try to do things within your power, and most times, it does not work out the way you would like. Even if it does, happiness is hardly a result. You want to take control of your life, instead of giving it to the One who gave you life. You get to that end point, and you realize: all this fighting for nothing.


Joyce Meyer puts it perfectly in her devotion: "Jesus tells us to 'calm down' in John 14:27 an 'cheer up' in John 16:33. I think it is a one-two knockout punch to the devil when we do. When you realize you can't fix everything, that calms you down, and when you know that God can, it cheers you up!"

• Exercise! - This is one of my favorite hobbies. My favorite type of exercise is dancing. I can dance all day. Research shows that when we dance for a long time, mood-lifting hormones are released.  "Physical activities, from sprinting to ballet, also release endorphins, brain chemicals that promote satisfaction, euphoria, and high pain tolerance", says the article. The problem will not go away immediately, but you feel better.

I tend to handle situations better after I break a sweat. As crazy as this sounds, the situation may not have changed, but your outlook on it changes.

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• Be Positive! - What we say and what you think about certain situations can affect how you view these situations. What kinds of things do you say to yourself? Slowly wean yourself off negative thoughts. One thing that I have learnt is that you must be careful about what you say out loud. I always think that someone is listening, so I try to be careful about talking negatively. 

If you are looking for a job, try not to ask, "Why can I not get a job?" because your mind will start to come up with self-demeaning responses like "You do not have enough experience", or "You are too old". When you speak positive things and ask better questions. Once you start asking questions like, "How can I earn enough money to support myself?", your mind starts to look for solutions. When you start thinking positively, watch how much better you feel.

Being positive also means surrounding yourself with positive people, people who truly care about you. They will lift you up with encouraging words, and get your mind off your problems for a little bit. Nothing like being surrounded by love and laughter.

With what I am going through, I am definitely doing these things. I know that things are going to get better, it is just a matter of time, and patience. Be encouraged everyone, and have a fabulous, WORRY-FREE weekend! :)

Persistence...

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"Persistence is a vital link to obtaining victory." - Joyce Meyer.

I know that I have not posted anything in a while. So much has happened in the past year that I did not get a chance to write as much as I should.

Joyce Meyer's "Promises for Your Everyday Life" is something I look forward to reading everyday. There is always something that sticks with me. The quote at the beginning definitely applies to me and what I've been going through the past few months.

For the past 27 years of my life, I have been running away from something that has been in my blood. Somethings that comes naturally to me. What I was meant to be doing.

Writing/Editing.

My father was a famous journalist in Nigeria, and after his death, I made a conscious decision to not do any type of journalism. I refused to study it (Studied Statistics and got my MBA...could I have run any further?!), but I still kept journal upon journal and wrote poems. But one thing I found myself doing more was editing. It irks me when something is poorly written. My eye for detail always found the most random mistakes in articles or papers. I cannot take someone seriously if they can't write/spell well. I always felt that sentences should not be more than two lines long; run-on sentences are a no-no; and if you cannot spell, or do not know the meaning of the word, do not use that word. The world would be a much better place if people followed these basic rules.

A few months ago, I spoke to a mentor of mine who pushed me into going to a writer's conference in New York City. I knew that my life was going to be different the moment I clicked "register". I have never been so nervous in my life. Doing this proved that all I had to do was take that first step, even though you may not see the whole staircase. Is that not what faith is?

The American Society of Journalists and Authors Conference was a two-day writers' bootcamp where you attended different breakout sessions about different types of writing. I was more concerned about which editors I was going to meet, what I was going to say, and how I could make these people love me. My mentor, Jackie Dishner, had this amazing quote in one of her blog posts:
"It's just best to follow the command when it first begins to make appearance. Otherwise, you can expect further annoyances - and failures that will make you doubt who you are. That's because you're not behaving like the you that you really are or were meant to be."
I felt like we were having this amazing one-on-one conversation...and we had not even met!

The first day was overwhelming. I was nervous, afraid, but incredibly excited. I learned so much, and I met so many amazing people. The second day was so much better, and I met even more people. They were so helpful in giving me information on what my next steps should be. I got so many business cards, and I gave so many of mine out too! Things seemed to be looking up.

But then, reality set in. I got home, and I found myself in this abyss of confusion. Okay, I know that the first thing to do is follow-up with the people I met, but then, what else I can do? OMG, am I doing the right thing? Is this really it?

I have been having those "far away from God" moments. I have not been praying and reading my Bible as much as I should be. So I was confused and unhappy.

I was expecting everything to change overnight. I would be hired as a copy editor for a magazine, I would be making so much money. Yes, it is naive, but cut me some slack here. I was on this high of finding my purpose, so I was expecting it to be smooth sailing from here. Then I saw the quote by Joyce Meyer, and it all made sense.

Persistence is the vital link to victory.

If I can apply it to working out, surely I can apply it to other important areas of my life. I do not know why I am so scared. If God has called me to this, then surely He has already made the path. I just need to take that first step...well, not the first step, but the next step.

I am pretty sure something's going to give. Something has to give. This is what I'm supposed to do.

As I go on this journey, I hope you will come with me. Be expecting more updates and more blog posts, because things are about to get really interesting.

A year later....

It's March 31st.

This day last year, I woke up with the worst cramps ever. Nothing helped. Had to go to the hospital, and they found something in my ovaries. Apparently, it had been getting bigger over time, and when it got to the size of a baseball, my nerves had wrapped themselves so tightly around it, that the pain became unbearable. I would scream if anyone or anything touched it. I couldn't stop throwing up. Nurses thought I was pregnant. Unless it was the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, it was not possible. The more they asked if I was pregnant, the more I started to believe I was. I was so relieved when they did the ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. (I am not trying to be on that Discovery Health show "I didn't Know I was Pregnant").

By this time, they had put me in the only room they could find: a room with cushioned walls. I kept looking at the nurse like, "I am in PAIN. I am not crazy." But she kept saying it was the only room that was available. My friends, Bunmi, Idia, and Gbenga, dropped everything they were doing to be with me. There was no comfortable way to lie down, because no matter which way my body was positioned, the pain kept getting worse and worse. The doctor came in and said the lump is a cyst that refuses to dissolve, and he would have to operate to remove it.

Operate. The one word I thought I would never have to hear. Til today that word makes me nauseous and sad. It was early afternoon, and the only time they could operate was at night.

So I would have to deal with this pain for another EIGHT hours?! Thank God for the people I had with me, because I know that I couldn't do it alone. No one should EVER have to be alone in ANYTHING.

I couldn't even cry anymore because the pain was just too much. My aunt in Indiana would later fly to MD to stay with me, and my other aunt in VA came as well. Nurse put me on morphine, but even that did not help.

(Turns out that they did not have a stand to hang the morphine, so the nurse draped it over the door, and that stopped the flow of morphine from reaching my arm. I was like this for eight painful, unforgettable hours).

Later, they took me upstairs to prep me for operation. The anesthesiologist told me how the anesthesia would work, and by this time, I just wanted to sleep, and wake up and everything would be okay. My aunt prayed for me, and some kind of peace came over me.

By this time, the anesthesia kicked in. Some amazing words were said that I would never forget, and three hours later I woke up in my room with my aunt from VA and my girl Nosizwe around me. I fell back asleep, and I woke up again with Gbenga and my aunt from Indiana there.

And the pain was gone.

It took me two months to be able to stand straight, as the scar had to heal (I still have it; it's like a C-Section scar with two dark marks where they put two cameras in. I also have a scar in my belly button. Needless to say, I felt like I just had a baby). Turns out that the cyst was actually a benign tumor that had ruptured, and the doctor had to cut some nerves to remove it. A year later, and I am just starting to get feeling there.

That day, and the months to follow showed me that I have to be grateful for what I have and what I don't have. I am grateful for my family, the people who dropped everything they were doing to be with me. Some flew last minute to stay with me for a few days (my mother was with me for a few weeks) to make sure I was well. Some people took off work to spend time with me. The love I felt during that time was and still is....indescribable. Unforgettable. Amazing.

I thank God that He kept me. It was His grace. If I had not felt the pain, the liquid could have killed me.

I may have slipped several times, but my Father was still there to pick me up and give me many more chances. I owe Him everything. My life is His.

Everyone needs that "Ah Ha!" moment to realize that you were born for a reason; I guess I can say - after 26 years - this was mine. I am still on that path of self-discovery, but I know that I am closer than I think to reaching that place that God wants me to be.

This week has been really depressing for me. I can safely say I have had my worst week yet in 2011. Nevertheless, I have had eye-opening moments, and I know now I can go nowhere but up. The Lord said, "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which He has promised to those who love Him." (James 1:12).

It is well. :)

Oh, wanted to add: the hospital bills came to about $16000, and I did not have to pay a SINGLE CENT. It is all God and no one else.

Happy Birthday to Me??

It's my birthday!!!!

Well, in 4 days, I will be turning the big 2-6. Yay! I am so over being 25, trust me, that age is so overrated. It should be a relaxing weekend, surrounded by my very cool (and very razz) friends. There will be lots of eating, drinking, and laughter, and love...and that's all I need.

Now that I am going to be 26, some things have crossed my mind. Well, namely, marriage. At this point, I can say a handful of my friends are engaged or married. I look at them like they crazy. Cuz they are. Marriage is no joke. I mean, this is one person that you are going to be with.....

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Do people understand that? Not a few years, not a decade, but FOREVER. TIL DEATH DO Y'ALL PART. I am not saying I need a few years so I can date and have fun, no. It's just that you want to find that right person for you. Not perfect - cuz we KNOW that no man on this Earth is perfect. Like Bereola said on his website: "Your search for the perfect man is in vain. He died on the cross 2000+ years ago. Find God before you find a man". Homie was speakin' the TRUF!

I was reading this funny, yet eye-opening article by Tracy McMillan. I mean, I felt like homegirl was sitting opposite me and reading my mind. Yes I have been "the liar", I have been "selfish", hell, I even thought I was not good enough (what in the world made me think that? Pray for me y'all). The advice she gives in her article is ummmm...let me put it this way, I'm a stubborn girl. Shooo, I want a tall-ass, fine-ass, rich-ass chocolate lookin' brotha, and I may not get fine-ass or even rich-ass...but what is wrong with a 5'10 girl wanting to be with a man who is 6'1?? WHY would I want to be with a short person? Physically, it don't look good, and let's not get into what it would be like in bed...oooo chile.

But bottom line is that once you admit that you do want to get married, and stop being too shallow (I mean, you have to have standards, but if you are that picky to the point of how his nose should be shaped/how wide her hips should be, ma'am/sir...), things may get easier. So rethink your priorities. Just know that personality is what matters. Looks fade, but personality remains the same...well, if your personality changes, then methinks you should check yourself into some kind of psych ward.........................................joking....................................well, not really.

Here's a way you can see what you should look for in the opposite sex: write down all the physical attributes on one column and personality traits on another column. Then go down each column and rate each trait on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being "it doesn't really matter" and 5 being "I will die if this person doesn't have this". That should make you rethink what is important and what isn't.

So, on that note, ladies and gents, I hope you have a fabulous weekend...I know I will.

Happy Birthday to meee!!!!

this love right herrre....

God Did It.

Yes, that is my quote of the year.

Happy New Year folks!! Hope your December/January was as amazing as mine. I have to say that I have missed blogging. So much has been happening. And it's February.

yikes.

I have been going through quite a bit emotionally. Just trying to figure things out. I'm almost done with school (halfway through this class, and two left...I canNOT wait..Sept 11, 2011, and I will never go to another class. EVER.), and the next step is:

Where am I going to work? Am I staying in the States, or will I be going somewhere else?

At this moment, I don't care where I go. Just as long as you are giving me money worth a Bachelor's in Mathematical Statistics and an MBA, and it's not in some podunk area, then we good. I need high rise buildings and black people.

My cousin had her traditional engagement over Christmas, and it was so much fun, but from that LONG night, I have concluded that:

1) 1000 people will not be coming to my engagement/wedding. I don't know 1000 people, so I don't see why I should be having 800 strangers at one of the most important events of my life. So all you random wedding crashers, best believe, you will not make it past the entrance. So don't waste your clothes and/or time.

2) my mother better not try anything silly by inviting people I don't know or remember, i.e. all the women who have known me since I was ankle high. Look woman, I don't KNOW you, so stop.

3) I don't like extravagance. I can't do it. All the extraness, not necessary. But I may have to holler at Uche Majekodunmi for decorations. Loved what she did at my cousin's engagement.

4) my husband better know how to dance because....those nights, we will not sit down ONCE.

5) the DJ better kill it...I don't need to hear "Oleku" more than once. There are many other songs in this WORLD that I will be dancing to. DJ Preview and DJ Zimo, save the date...whenever that is.

6) the food better be ON POINT. I eat. A lot. So, all you budding caterers, holla in a couple years.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This year, I believe that God is in control. He has been in control from January 1, 2011, and He will be in control through to December 31, 2011...and beyond. Amen.

I went to a Prayer Retreat over the weekend (shoutout to Jesus' House DC), and one thing I know I will be doing is that I will be doing a lot more praying and more PRAISING. The miracles that will be happening this year. I am excited because I am expectant.

I hope to blog more this year, because in 9 months, I will be FREE from school work, so more random thoughts coming your way.

Remember: God did it. And He will keep doing it until there's nothing else to do. :)

Stay blessed.

P.S. It's my birthday month!! 20 days until the day the world changed 26 years ago. I love birthdays, but that will be another post. :)...apparently, I am an Aquarius now, thanks to the new sign. Ummm, all you astrologers Imma need for you to move thatta way *pointing to the left* ...I am Pisces, and your stupid new sign will not change it. Thanks and bye.

Who is REALLY the Sexiest Man Alive...?

Cuz it sure ain't Ryan Reynolds. Don't get me wrong, the guy is hot (I remember the scene from "The Proposal", when he just came back from exercising, and he took off his shirt..........yes Lawd, he is blessssed), but there are sexier guys in this world. And here are my choices (in no particular order)

*side note: they are not all actors...I'm trying to understand how People magazine makes their choices. You said Sexiest MAN Alive, not Sexiest ACTOR Alive...get it right dammit**:

1. Guchi Onyewu

I mean, just look at that. This dude embodies sexy - inside and out. He is so down-to-earth, funny, God-fearing guy, and just COOL....now why isn't he on the list???? If you think this picture is fire, wait until you see him in person....and I am almost afraid to think that he doesn't know he is THAT fine.

2. Denzel Washington

Why did this man only make the list once??? And Brad Pitt was on the damn list like twice or 3 times. I mean, this is DENZEL...if I had my way - in another world - he would be the father of my babies! Does anyone not understand this? This man has not made ONE bad movie. He's funny, a great family man, and an AMAZING actor (if you haven't seen "Training Day", slap yourself, over and over again).

3. Eric Dane

I get soooo happy when I watch McSteamy on Grey's Anatomy EVERY Thursday. Last night's episode when he went to get water to drink and he was shirtless....that scene did some things to me...things that I cannot write down on my blog...but this man is just hot. Another great actor, and from interviews, he seems like a cool down-to-earth guy. Damn you, Rebecca Gayheart...DAMN YOU!

Now out of these 3, People couldn't pick any?! I mean, Ryan Reynolds though? Then there's Common, American President Barack Obama (y'all cannot say that this man does not possess some type of...I hate this word, and I cringe as I type it...swag, especially when he's with his wife and kids...nothing like a good father and husband, and he's running a country...power in a man, when used right, is sexy as a mug), contender Patrick Dempsey (he truly is McDreamy), etc.

So, fellow readers, who do you think should have been the Sexiest Man Alive? And if you think they made the right choice with Ryan Reynolds, why?

Talk to me.

These Are My Confessions....

Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do (not really), got me talkin' to myself askin' how I'm gon' tell you...

I'm sitting at work, and instead of me to be doing some spreadsheet they want me to do (they will be VERY alright), I have decided to write a post about very random things about myself. I got this idea from one of my favorite bloggers VSB, and decided to start mine.

**Oh yeah, I know I haven't been blogging much, but trust me, this school/work thing ain't for babies...it's a grown a$$ person's world out here mayne...I will try my best to blog more...I say this all the time, I know, and I mean it**

Here goes:

1. One of my biggest fears is that I will be fat. Not like extra curvy, but like morbidly obese. This makes me shallow, and surprisingly evil, but it scares me. If I weigh more than 175lbs (and this is after I have kids), I think someone will have to take me to Fat Camp, or y'all might as well kill me.

2. I can't match my clothes. Like I have to wear at least 5 colors at a time.....AND, I still look put together..that's cuz I got it like that (3 snaps for the kid)...right now, I am wearing grey skinny jeans, a black and grey striped shirt, a brown and gold pashmina scarf, with purple smokey eyes, and I STILL look good. So when I see Nigerians at a wedding wear yellow lace, with yellow shoes, yellow bag, and yellow gele, I want to cry. That will DEFINITELY not be the case at my wedding.

3. I love to dance. Not like "go to a club and get my groove on" dance, but like "let's make up a dance routine" dance. I can watch a music video like 5 times, and then do the routine.

4. Another one of my fears is that I will die and go to some miserable place. I know I am not the best Christian in the world, but I am trying so very hard, cuz I don't want to end up in some dingy place while all my friends are partyin' it up in a place made out of gold and drinkin pimp juice out of gold pimp cups. Does that even sound right? No?

5. My mother and my brother are who I live for. That is all.

6. I am all for making Nigeria a better place, but living there? No thank you. So how I will help make Nigeria a better place from where I am is still a mystery to me.

7. This will contradict #6, but I am a PROUD Nigerian.

8. I HATE shopping. Omg!!! I can't stand malls. How people can walk from one store to another baffles me. You walk around looking at clothes, only to come out 2 hours later with NOTHING...lemme find a friend take me out, and she don't get nothin'...I will cut a.......*sigh*....Anyway, I do all my shopping online. Luckily I know my body well enough to know what fits me, and if it don't fit (which is rare), I return it for FREE.

9. The way I love to eat, even my boyfriend worries about me. I can eat breakfast, brunch, lunch, evening snack, dinner, and STILL be hungry for a midnight snack. Where it goes, I don't know. Thank God I love to workout, otherwise I would be on the fast track to Fat Camp by now.

10. My left hand is completely useless. Like I can't catch, snap...I can't do ANYTHING with it. I think it is just there so I can look like a normal human being.

That's all I can think of. Oh ye friends, what are some random things about you? C'mon, talk to me.

"Born To Run"

Today is my father's 24th anniversary.

Twenty-four years ago, the man I called "Daddy" was killed by a letter bomb. How heartless can someone be? We will get to that later.

Pulitzer-Prize winning journalist Dele Olojede wrote a book about my father. "Born to Run - The Story of Dele Giwa" was written in 1987 and it gives details about him that I never knew about. I read about what he went through growing up, and how he got to be one of the most famous men in Nigeria.

The book was very interesting to read. I loved how the writers made you feel like you were part of the events. The conversations my father had with his best friends, with the ladies (did not know he was suave like that...lol) - especially my mother, and with political leaders.

It's funny to see how he was friends with IBB (he was president at the time, and suspected of killing my father), but when the "truth"got out, IBB turned on him. Too much power is not good for anyone.

I was one year old on October 19, 1986, but I don't remember anything. All I know are the stories my mother and everyone else tells me, the pictures that she gave me, and from the book. I strongly believe that I am alive for a reason. I could have been in the study with him and his friend.

God has a plan for everyone. I believe the only reason he died that day was because his purpose had been fulfilled: he left behind five beautiful children, a magazine that did VERY well, and a legacy that NO ONE can touch. To think that this happened twenty-four years ago, and looking at the condition Nigeria is in, I really don't see a difference.

Here is an example:

I read about Cecilia Ibru, the former managing director and CEO of Oceanic International Bank Plc, and how she was arrested for so many crimes, that if I start, I won't stop. She gets six months. SIX MONTHS. There is something very wrong with this. We all know that she will not stay there six months, because she will get out in four due to "good behavior", or a "deteriorating health condition". Bernie Madoff got 150 years. That is just wrong.

And the fact that IBB is running for President in 2012................................................................................I'll leave it at that.

How do you kill someone??? With a letter bomb?? WHY? HOW do you sleep well at night, knowing that you were involved in murder? Call me naive, but maybe I just have a conscience and I have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me, because it really blows my mind the way people think sometimes.

When my father's case went to court, IBB refused to testify. How does that work? Shows that Nigeria has a LONG way to go. All we can do is pray. Pray that justice is done. Pray that Nigeria becomes a better country. Pray that all the wrong people in power will one day pay for every single thing that they have done. Pray that God has mercy on us as a country, because we have SO much potential.

Daddy, I wish I had the chance to meet you and get to know you, because knowing the respect and love people still have for you after 24 years is amazing. I hope you are proud of your children and what we have become and I hope that you are having a great time in Heaven with God because I know that is where you are. Also, I just wanted to say that it's not over. The people who did this WILL suffer, and your death will not be in vain. Continue resting in peace Daddy, and I love you.

Sumonu Oladele "Baines" Giwa

(March 16, 1947 - October 19, 1986)

"another a$$ pic?" "no, that's my stomach"

That's what my friend said to me when he saw my BBM picture. And that did something to me. Although he didn't mean what he said, it made me think twice about my gymming, or lack thereof.

Ever since the surgery, I have been so lazy with my workout regime. My two-a-days have become three times a week. I love the treadmill, but I need motivation. I see gorgeous Naomi Campbell, stunning Selita Ebanks, beautiful Gisele (who has a child by the way, and she still looks like that), or even Ms. Halle Berry (by the way, apparently some of these women have never stepped foot in the gym) and I think "what if?" what if I push myself, will I lose the 15 lbs I have been tryin to lose since April? What if I just stop working out, what would happen? Ok, that's a stupid question. But still...........

In my family, all the women are full-figured. They are real African women - the hips, the butt....and as sexy as that sounds, when they are in excess, it's not as sexy. I love the women in my family, but I don't want to reach that point. I CAN'T reach that point. Even if it means working out for the rest of my life. Now to find different types of exercise, because I gotta stay lookin' good. 

Now a lot of y'all might think I'm insecure (I'm not), and I shouldn't worry about it (I should), and I look good (I know). But I have to be careful, otherwise I will have the hips and ass - in excess.

I love my curves, I know that I will NEVER be stick thin. This a$$ is not going anywhere, that's for damn sure.

VMA Madness

Hello all!

It has been a while, I know. I was busy with school, two internships, moving....a whoooole bunch of stuff. But now, I can semi-breathe and talk to y'all.

So like, y'all know, the 2010 VMAs were yesterday. Personally, I was ready for some crazy stuff, but the whole thing just left me so *blah*. So let me get into what I liked, and didn't like, and what I thought was just plain random:

-Nicki Minaj, PLEASE what in the name of ass injecting, Bjork pink hair, stupid ASS song hell were you doing at the pre-show? First of all, I didn't understand what she was talking about (I don't think I ever will), and then you bring Will-I'm-Not on the stage....looking like he spent 12980983474598739873475353 days on the beach...homie was BLUCK, not blAck, BLUCK...I think he's talented, but that performance...in short, that just left me with a -_- face.

-Chelsea Handler, I was expecting so much more from you!! I think Ellen Degeneres' ONE joke when she presented "Best Female Video" was better than her hosting. Come to think of it, why didn't they pick Ellen? She had some funny parts (tryna remember some, and it's JUST not coming to me). It's cool that it was the first time in 16 years that they had a woman host the show, but I'm sure even Sarah Silverman could have done a better job......and she's not funny.

-The stage setup this year was CRAZY...

-Were we supposed to be surprised that Rihanna performed? I wasn't. What was she wearing? She needs more people. And Jesus.

-Jersey Shore...the fact that MTV has blown these 8 trashy, overtanned NFA (no future ambition) lamos to epic proportions still boggles my mind. Yes, I do watch Jersey Shore, cuz it just makes me feel better that these 8 trashy, overtanned NFA lamos exist, and I know that I am destined for much better things in life.

-I liked B.o.B's performance. Nothing to write home about, but it was aite.

-Lady Gaga...Lady Gaga...Lady Gaga....how many times did I call your name? The VMAs might as well have been the "2010 Lady Gaga VMAs". Did she not win like every category except Best New Artist (and that was because she wasn't on the list...)???? And she wore MEAT. I think I'm going to become a vegetarian.

On second thought, no one will make me turn away from my steak, chicken, or fish. Sorry.

-And finally, the reason why everyone watched the show: Kanye West. His performance left me speechless, and I'm still trying to figure out if that's a good thing or a bad thing. The ballerinas were just there to occupy space. His song was funny. The guy from the Clipse was still trying to prove to everyone that he is still relevant.

I think that's all I have about this year's show. All in all, I would give it a 6. Not bad, not good. Just there.

Readers, what were YOUR favorite and not-so-favorite moments?

I will be blogging more often. I know I say that a lot, but I have 3 weeks of doing nothing, so you will hear from me a lot more.